I am already full.

I am full of passion. It’s even my favorite fruit.

I am full of purpose. I’ve been chasing it for years.

I am full of ideas, I think about them all the time

I am full of energy, love and happiness.

I even see a half-full glass of water in front of me as I write this.

But lately, I have been feeling like I am full of …Bull. And doubt. And debt.

For so long I’ve been trying to get back to a younger less-jaded version of Stephanie, not the 1.0 version, but maybe the 2.0 release. I need to revert the iOS update go back to a time before the clocks were TikToking and we were just some crazy kids throwing sheep at our crushes on Facebook. In thinking about getting back to what I thought was the Optimus Prime of my life, that I’ve lost sight of all the great things I’ve learned along the way. (I do miss those FB sheep though, just saying Zuck.)

Tara Mohr calls this state of perpetual bewilderment I’m experiencing, chrysalis time, and it’s totally normal:

“…in between being a caterpillar and becoming a butterfly, there is the chrysalis…The stage of old things giving way, the stage of goopy mess, of being neither caterpillar nor butterfly. It is the time of being something in an undefined, transitional, un-presentable state.”

During my Chrysalis, a normal day for me looks a bit like:

Wake up.
Do everything.
Get tired.
Procrastinate.
Make a list.
Do nothing.
Fall into a Pit of Despair.
Get uninspired.
Look for a muse.
Find a Netflix instead.
Or a Joke.
Giggle.
Nap.
Repeat.

Today, in an effort to pull me out of my “goopy cocoon mess”, my sister-in-law shared an article with me, about rediscovering your why. The author boiled it down to 4 questions that can help guide many of us who might be in struggling while surviving our chrysalis crises:

“How to Discover [or rediscover]your Why”

1. What things did I regret having sacrificed to-date that I now wish to prioritize higher in my life going forward?
2. When in my life (and not simply my career) have I found myself performing at peak levels, filled with genuine passion and purpose?
3. In what environments do I seem to perform at my best?
4. In what environments do I not perform at peak levels or enjoy the work?

So I thought back to the last time I was truly happy and passionate about something and I immediately remembered…

The cheeseburger I ate last week.

…but also how stories are my jam. And crumpet. And the whole tea time, honestly. So, how do I start writing again? What do I write about? Who should I be writing to?

Although much of our personal or professional growth/ fulfillment/ feeling “full” is dependent on asking ourselves these tough questions, finding the answers takes a long-ass time.

So, I had a thought: “what would it look like if we just start the conversation of our life by sharing the ‘answers’ we’re already sure of?”

So here I am, retracing yesterday’s steps, in hopes to find tomorrow’s path. Sharing some of my ‘answers’ along the way:

I think. I am. I eat. I do… and today, I write.

Filakia,
Steph

P.S. Reminding myself, “I am already full” (well, kind of — I’m also always hungry :))

Follow me: @stephonidis | @tzatzikoglou | Words With Steph